One of the many truly amazing qualities that human beings as “intelligent” creatures share is the ability to hold entire conversations with themselves that take place within the confines of their respective brains. Whether or not you view this ability as a gift or a curse is, of course, entirely up to you. The fact remains that we learn a great deal about ourselves through these interior conversations, and they simultaneously have the ability to produce incredible ideas, to increase productivity, to influence our emotions, and much more. At this point, as the reader, you might be thinking to yourself (how delightfully ironic), “What in God’s name is this blowhard talking about?” Well sir or madam, put most simply: I have not a clue. What I do know, however, is that I have quite a few of these interior conversations throughout the course of any given day. The burning question that will be the subject of this article was birthed by one of these said interior conversations, and is sure to produce a horrifically intense debate that will last for generations to come.
So how did the topic at hand arise? Well every once and a while, when I have time to myself, I like to practice what my answers to certain questions might be. Allow me to clarify. There are questions that people like to ask, whether you know them well or not, to facilitate conversation. Amongst these questions are “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” or the always entertaining “Where is the craziest place you have done it?” There are, of course, many more questions in this genre. I like to be prepared for questions like this. There is nothing worse than to be caught off guard by the “superpowers” question and end up looking like a fool because you panicked and chose “shooting fireworks from your fingertips”. My point is that I sometimes like to rehearse my answers to these types of questions, to quell my fear of clamming up or answering moronically when the time comes.
The question of this genre that sparked the idea for this article is one that everyone has undoubtedly heard at one time or another, and if you haven’t yet you most certainly will. “If you could meet one person from past or present, fictional or not, who would it be?” Not an easy question, I know. Answers may range from George Washington to Carrot Top and everything in between. No matter how sincere or asinine your choice may be it has the potential to reveal a great deal about yourself. So what would I answer? I could say Abraham Lincoln because of the whole end of slavery thing, but some may find that incredibly dull. I could say Mr. Fantastic so I could find out once and for all if his penis actually could stretch like the rest of his body. I could say Mel Gibson so that I could ask him what it feels like to be an insane devil-man. I could even say Ben Affleck to finally get a straight explanation for Gigli. I could use all of the aforementioned people/characters in my answer, and probably come up with hundreds more. However, as I was rehearsing my potential answer to this theoretical question, a possible answer arose that was more intriguing to me than any I had ever thought of or heard before. If you could meet one person from past or present, fictional or not, why not have it be yourself? What better person to meet than yourself?
Now I know what you may be thinking, that you already know yourself pretty well and you wouldn’t want to waste the opportunity to meet Edward Furlong. I urge you to entertain the idea of meeting yourself for just a moment. You have never been on the other side of yourself looking in and observing from the outside. How amazing and simultaneously frightening would that be? And what would you do with…yourself…literally? With any of the other choices, say Mr. Lincoln, Carrot Top, or Ben Affleck, you would most likely want to spend the majority of your “meeting” talking to them (or making out with them, depending on your choice). If you chose yourself, at least in my case, I would want to have fun and hang out. I’d want to go to bars with myself and exchange high-fives after shots of Wild Turkey, share an extended embrace with myself after watching Steel Magnolias, kick myself in the nuts after losing a game of hoops, and maybe even figure out a secret handshake. Sure I’d want to spend some time talking to myself, especially to really get a feel for myself and maybe how others perceive me. Is it conceivable that I wouldn’t have a good time with myself? Perhaps. However, if you feel as though your time was ill-spent with yourself in your clone meeting, maybe that would be a sign that you need to reevaluate your persona. I feel like it would be an intense learning experience, no matter what the outcome may be.
The next time someone throws that burning question your way and says, “So, if you could meet one person from past or present, real or not, who would it be?” you can emphatically answer “Myself”. Their reaction will, no doubt, be one of surprise and possibly disgust, depending on their original intention. Gauge the situation and try to arrange yourself to be the last to answer. That way your amazingly thought provoking answer can follow all of the mindless crap that is certain to precede it. Also be extremely aware of your crowd. If you sense any hostility at all, if you are uncertain as to how one or more individuals may react to your proposed answer, you can always go with the safety choice: Tom Selleck. He’s universally likeable, sexy to both men and women, has an amazing moustache, and was Magnum P.I. Nobody would be foolish enough to argue with that.
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